Merrye Christmas, O Ye Hippogrifffes!
NOT DONE YET
Remus liked things to be neat. He liked to always be on time, to eat mashed potatoes every Thursday no matter what, and to always wear the same tie to weddings. He liked handwriting to be neat, clear, and well-spaced, and highly dissapproved of simply dumping huge craploads of random paper onto completely good desks.
This was the only reason that he was cleaning Sirius' desk. Honest. And the roses weren't from him.
Not that that wasn't obvious.
Remus sighed, opening the window and hurling a load of dungbombs out the window. How Sirius could stand all this was far beyond him.
At last, Remus sat down in the chair (which now had four solid legs) and pulled a piece of parchment towards him.
What: One Clean Desk
Who: Sirius Orion Black
Where: HELL if it doesn't stay that way.
He quickly put an illusion over it.
"Let it come as a surprise. All of it. Even the firecrackers."
Remus sat in the common room, studying for their midterms along with...well...maybe two other people. He sighed. Maybe he was paranoid, but at least he'd get good grades...
Then Sirius came in, and all hopes of studying flew out the window.
Along with a couple of dungbombs that Sirius had, apparently, gotten tired of having in his pocket.
"MOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!" Sirius yelled happily, throwing his bookbag at the nearest chair (which happened to hold a rather terrified second year). "Ooops, so sorry," he said breezily, grabbling the bag off the poor boy's head and dumping it on the floor.
"What's gotten you into such a good mood today?" asked Remus drily, adding the finishing touches to his essay.
"MISTLETOE!" yelled Sirius. "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"
There was, indeed a batch of mistletoe stuck to his head.
How cheap, thought Remus.
"Siri-UMPH!" said Remus as Sirius landed on his lap.
"What? What happened to Christmas cheer and all that jazz?"
"You're sitting on my essay."
"Well, damn essays."
[insert snog here]
"C'mon, guys, break it up, children present," said James, strolling in with some blonde on his arm.
"Aw, they are so cute," giggled the blonde.
"Why, hello, James. Who is this, number twenty-three for the month?" said Sirius sarcastically.
James glared. The blonde giggled.
"He didn't mean it. My apologies," said Remus, trying in vain to save his essay. "Now will you please get off my lap?"
"Get off my lap or I'll shove a quill up your-"
"Calm down, Remie. It's Christmas."
"Still. Don't settle in."
"I think I will," said Sirius with a devious smile.
Remus sighed. Would it never end?
Think. How to get Sirius off one's lap...
He was distracted by the sound of James falling off the sofa, laughing histerically.
Apparently Sirius had kicked off his shoes.
Right into the fire.
He sighed again. What would distract Sirius...
Yes! That was it!
"Hey, Sirius, I challenge tou to a snowball fight."
Later that day
"So," said Sirius casually. "I propose that we make a little bet on this one. If my team wins, then I get to sneak off with Remie for a snog. If Remie's team wins, then he gets the honourable honour to sneak off with me for a snog. Everyone okay with that?"
"You know, Sirius, you could just go off with 'Remie' for a snog now and skip the fight."
"Hey! Good idea!"
"Do you realize how hard it is to actually sneak off once everyone knows why you're sneaking off?"
"Oh, come on, Moony..."
"Shut it, James," interjected Sirius. "C'mon, Remie, I think we aren't wanted here."
2 am that morning, six hours later.
"Quiet, it's not my fault."
"Yes it is. If you had woken me up instead of falling asleep yourself, we wouldn't be here."
"I didn't know I was tired! Snogging wears you out!"
"Will you be quiet?"
"Will YOU stop stepping on my foot!"
"Wait! Remie, is there some sort of spell that makes, like, a sound-proof wall?"
"Oh! Yes! One second.... There. Silencio Edificium!"
"We safe now?"
"Ah, good. OY! What in hellfire happened to my desk?"
"I cleaned it. Merry Christmas."
"Well, what a damn good present, Remie. A clean desk. Just like I always wanted."
"I thought you'd like it."
"I was being sarcastic, dumbo."
"What was that?"
"I'm sure it was."
By next morning, Sirius had made quite sure that the desk was no longer clean.
Oddly enough, Remus didn't mind so much.
Yeah, it sucks. I'll writ you another one later, gotta go.
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